I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
