dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
