Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
