God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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