so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize