oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
