my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
