I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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