if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
