You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
