Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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