I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
