i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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