she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
