I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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