But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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