never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
