kristin has been a bad kristin
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
then he tried to convert me to islam
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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