the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
