i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
