i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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