i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
