i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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