I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
