Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
