You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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