My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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