Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
