I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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