i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
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my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
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She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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