wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
