I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
