I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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