she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
