I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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