you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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