Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
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I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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