its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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