I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
