I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
