You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
