There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
