i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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