apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
