he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
