whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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