so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It's official drugs can't kill me
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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