I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
