Umm I'm too high to move.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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