I wannas sexs uuuuu
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
