If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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