i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
