In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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