is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
