For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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