make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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