You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
