kristin has been a bad kristin
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
