I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
