it's too hot outside to masturbate.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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