i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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