Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
