I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
