You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Drunk is a universal language darling
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
