Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
