So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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