she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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