Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
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