I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
