Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
