All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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