its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
