when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
