I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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