You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
