It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
