is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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