Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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