You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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