Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
