I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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