I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
