Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
