My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
