My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Alive.
So much puke
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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