I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
