there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
