I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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