So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
