Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
