took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
