dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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