Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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