Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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