the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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