dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
do herpes really smell.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
how drunk are you?
Several
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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